Its the absolute worst to wake up in the middle of the night with your heart racing and crying. Just out of no where. You wake up with your heart beating a hundred miles an hour and it wont stop. And youre lying there in bed trying to calm down, trying to get your heart back to normal. Telling yourself everything is fine trying to get it to normal. And it wont. Youre basically trapped. And you just have to wait for your heart to calm down on its own.
All the pain in my life has become so crippling that I cant even get out of bed in the morning. I basically want to stay in bed all day.
If the people you love don’t want to move forward with you, you gotta take that step and go forward by yourself if you have to.
I’m actually really hurting. I hurt every day. I barely even go to school because I don’t sleep at night and when morning comes I’m so exhausted I can’t move. I can’t sleep at night because of all my emotions just coming out. I get so anxious and my anxiety goes through the roof. I become so sad and broken. Like I’ve been holding everything instead me all day and at night it just comes out. I hurt, I’m hurting. It’s so hard to just not give up. To not go back to the things were a couple months ago before I went into the hospital. It’s seriously so hard. I’ll be cleaning my room and find razors and pills in places I had hidden them in and completely forgotten about and to throw them away, flush them down the toilet. Instead of taking them and using them. It’s seriously so fucking hard. I don’t even talk to anyone about my problems anymore. But not like I really did in the first place. I’m basically just a burden to everyone around me. They all have bigger problems and don’t need me just becoming another burden, another worry in their already too busy lives. Pain shouldn’t cripple a person. Pain shouldn’t stop someone from doing what the want to do on a day to day basis. But for me it has. Pain definitely changes a person. I’m been so fucked up lately. My grades are basically being flushed down the toilet. My whole life is fucked. I’m just this giant fuck up. Everything in my life is pain. I’m hurting and I’m broken and no one around me seems to even notice or care. My whole life has been and always will be full of broken promises and lies.